Your Second Violin

I could kill myself for you
No,
Not like take a gun and fry my brains
Not like overdose some sleeping pills
Or swallow some poison

I would die if you do
I would die if something ever happened to you
I will die if you cant love me back
I would die everyday
Over and over......till its all over

The thought of not seeing your poison smile
Distracting voice
Hazel eyes
Already takes a second from my lifeline

Every time you tell me your in trouble which you always are,
I feel an ulcer creep back in
Every time I cant reach you
My heart,, no
My mind physically hurts

And your unrequited soul
Shoves me to nicotine
And I can accurately feel my lungs burn
All the undelivered letters drive me crazy
drive me to the bar, and i keep writing
A bottle per every sentence meant for you

I could watch you all night and its  not insomnia
Just to see you close your eyes
Just to see the 18 gauge canulla needle dig into your septum
Just to hear you breathe the frequency to my name
Just to see you wake up in time for our eyes to lock once more

If you ever end up in Alcatraz like Alex
I will torch down the times tower just to end up in death row with you
If you gave me a promise ring
It would take for my finger to be extracted cell by cell for it to ever come out

I know you know this too,
That you can say my name
in a way i would want to be deaf that I would forever have you voice embedded in my auricle
That you can look into my eyes
And i would be blind enough
just to keep the image of you
That you can touch me in a way
I would wanna reap off my skin
With my nails that not another soul would ever touch it

Yes, i would kill myself for you
This is how I would die for you
This is how much I drain myself for you
I find this sad
I think am mad
I think I've let down my guard
And for every word I've written
Wish I wrote it in blood -ink
And the worst part is
Am still your second violin
         

Small talk

Am quietly taking out my laundry because just recently my master asked if I used Dior
That would have instantly made me a thief right?

My bank manager asked me to authenticate my signature because my credit card was swiped in the wrong places
That couldn't have been you at the strip club right?

My momma just spanked my nephew for having a cigarette butt  in his hands
I told you to stop taking things from strangers, didn't I?

Old MacDonald just sold his animal farm
Reason why kids now sing about the coco farm?

Small talk,

Small talk when counting
sugar spoons for my coffee
Small talk when choosing ingredients for my muffin
Small, when choosing the right wood for my coffin

See this whole thing is like a glove
My hands are clean, but the outside
Leaks out dirt and red rust
Better yet,you won't see
my prints on the dust

And yes,
I stole your perfume to cover the ratchet maid odour
I went to the club down town,
apple bees I guess is the name
I mean,eyes are meant to see,aren't they?
Your nephew doesn't take things from strangers
He picked something from from my room,kids can be curious

This is what you live in Augustine,
A place dressed with compassion and hazel eyes
Defy it however you can,and that is not a choice
Keep believing in it,
You live in small talk

UNREQUITED

Going through your pieces
My heart breaks into a bazillion of those.
They called me a coward

Am i ?
Stubborn as always

They called me many things
Welsh hankering
Dutch love
Wait,where's my English teacher?
Guess I was so busy
Busy loving you
Chasing you

Cause such terms were coined
When I was hiding in a booth
That leaked of anonymity
Decorated with oblivion

And I still hear the hisses
Sound like those of eve
Telling me to breathe
Telling me to step out,
When stepping out means
Being constantly drenched
By your unrequited soul

Limerent or not,
You still think its blind
Still so hard to find
Why are you so hard to find?
Why are you so  f*n unkind?

I am homesick
Heartsick
Still lighting lanterns in the lake
Trynna spot a trail
You have a trail
Wake and bake
Eat cake
Croon along to the lines of drake

Bet that's where you got my name
No,
Not like Edna St Vincent millay
Whose central features
Are a part
of your mental environment
More of an 801 live debut
Stella Maris missa nobis
It was just one name

Impression alone is enough
to rake through all this art
Still i can't extirpate your uniqueness
Cause to surrender now
Is to lose you
And i can't lose you

Like allegiance
I don't grow weary
I'll keep going through your pieces till I trace requital

BUT YOU LEFT WITH EVERYTHING

She took a deep breath ;
let out a deep puff;
reminiscing on the gap
that suck the life out of her
like a pacifier
Still, she felt like she was breathing in someone else's smoke
She held the lit end of the cigarette
Because she wanted to burn
Pressing hard against the butt,
tilll it went off

And there it was,
Another scar on her first finger
A scar as that which
Premiered in all her poetry
She longed for the day
she would disenthrall herself
from all this loving,
Loving a girl ,
who had become a man.
A man who wouldn't take her back
Oh, the things she wanted to have

If only their minds would merge
If only she would simmer
this enchantment
If only she weren't addicted to sadness and nicotine,
pretending it was good for her
If only she wouldn't try to hide
the mess that she was

She lit yet another,
As she scribbled down a return letter
  "Wait with me,love again with me
  I'll to it better next time"
           She thought.

NEGOTIATING MORALS

Pull me.........  then push me away
It's like you want me to figure out
which way the door needs to be open
Then I let my heart beat,
rhythmically to your dance
An soon the resonance
will tear us apart...together

I let your body haunt mine
Then you accuse me,
of tending to the past
Its like you want me to need you  less, the you'll want more, because
Year after year I stumble upon the Kudu lily,
that Cassandra made the crowning thorns of your diadem

Even after all these years
You still stuff my letters in the attic
I see how you change
the pronouns in your pieces
Making bad edits

So now grab a seat and relax
Lemmi teach you
To fearlessly explore the strange
Like the earthquake
Of February the 13th
Lemmi teach you to love
a girl like me

Strong tongue
Steady fingers that
Delicately
Intricately
Licence my body to kiss your soul
As your robe drops to your bare thighs

Let me hold you by your neck
Choke you,then mince my words
That they'd slowly slide down,
down your throat
to the core of your stubborn heart

Let's put this on the porch
And entertain those who
Politicise the significance of sex
Let us re- negotiate our morals
Pull me.....then push me away

CAVIAR

I light my cigarette,wondering if its too soon to see you
If am becoming too often an appearance
I feel overwhelmingly guilty,but it feels good in some queer kind of way
Like its what i need to wash away the tears of November
Like its what i need to realise how daring this kind of love is,
To realise that a bond as such is not of labels and identities
More of memories and prefferences
One that gives no heed to decorum and public decency
One that constantly got me dragged to madam T's office

I dunno if its the kiss that brought a whooping sense of emotion
Or the constant glare that made everything around us invisible
Or the smile......
Damn, the smile that made me realise how much an honour it was, to have my heart broken by such uniqueness
But it was something,
Something that hormones cannot explain...
Maybe the  syllables 'nes' that shitty scientists sell; nothing more

I leave my cigarette still smouldering in the ashtray
Maybe its not too soon to see you maybe am not too often an appearance
Maybe we forgot how this kind of love used to be
The hyperventilation
The constant chase
That was what it was...still is
The kind of love that lasts forever and a day
And yes,caviar...
I read your crambled letter
How you asked me to write you back?
             'Dear African Shakespear

Yes,i come unteatherd
Fear descalated
Do not veil my fires
Of generous emotion
With your constant austere difficulty
kiss me softly upon my neck
Trace your fingers
along my collarbone
I love you
And i didnt say that in some distorted language
Where the meaning would be lost
To the moon and back; Caviar