Suadade

Woke up
Like it's a morning in Brazil
The monologue I always had
Now harder than ever
It doesn't stop
Cause you always pop
Like a traffic cop
Whenever I bump into my next mistake

My Summers are always sudden
And saddening
Like falling off a high horse
Or the blunt that gets you off
Off my pieces,you Pisces
Hope you break me into pieces
Sooner than I expect
Sooner than I will regret

I always wonder why
Catherine of Aragon
didn't fight that hard
Now I understand, that
Britain never saw
defence as bad as that
So now I stay with you
In Brazil......

Hoping this limerence
This emergent........
Wastes away faster than I dry my tears
Faster than I forget
I was once on a high horse
Faster than you get to see the frail I am

Keep hiding behind your Berlin wall
Tossing like that unlucky Chelsea ball
Annoying.... but I cum anyway
Come to reach your culmination
An enumeration of suadade
My Brazil nolstagia...

This kind of love

Utterly  happy today
Maybe it's the African sunrise
on my window
Or the music my pine tree ignites
as the tiny leaves clatter
Or the message the sky brings today

My heart is warmer today
Could it be the coffee and sandwich on my lampstand?
Or that  I was neatly  tucked in last night
Or the sound of 'love ' first in the morning

Why can't I find  bitter poetry today
Why can't I express my yearning
Is there no bar meal today?
Could it mean a day will pass without having to drag a knife over my skin?

Did my nothingness give in?
Is this how  the other lives turned out?

No

Today am utterly  happy
Its a dread head throwing  pebbles at my window
With a magical flute
Perhaps trynna kill my amnesia
Of what love is
With a smile straight outta heaven
Depicting how love should be

Warm;it says
Love should be warm
Like what  I gave you ;unconditional
Love is happy

I look back,I don't smile much
Love should be strong; I say
Like what I've  always been
Love is allegiance

I wake up to a vanishing  dream
Back to the cold loving  am used
I know it gets better with time
Unconditional;
For a different  condition this time
It doesn't get weary
Its allegiance,it's my kind of love

Please stay

I'll let you go,if you stay
Because am torn
between wanting you
And wanting the best for you
I mean how do you give up
On something you've spent
All your life thinking about
Something that gives birth
To pieces fit for an African sunset
If it takes forever to have your heart
Then I'll let you go,so you can stay

Lately;
Am becoming less and less poetic
Am giving it my all
My body,mind and thoughts
But I can see you hold none of those
You heightened my nothingness
And now am a poisoned Romeo
Deserving to be treated as one
So I will let you go,but please stay

Am I standing in a forged mirror?
Do I believe in something
So atrocious
So deluded....

Should I have wanted our cells
To braid together like living thread
Should I have wished for Romeo
To drink his poison over and over
Should I have been afraid to catch something that fell from heaven

I know;
that when you see this
You will know that it is for you
That if you said you saved me
From the eye of a hurricane
I will believe you
Because I could have sworn
We were infinite
But what could be closer to ecstasy  than pain
So I will let you go;
Please stay

Weight in whispers #1

There I was again tonight
Forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired lonely place
Walls of insincerity,
Shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you
Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette
Starts to make its way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
The lingering question kept me up
2 AM, who do you love?
I wonder 'til I'm wide awake
And now I'm pacing back and forth
Wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say, "Hey,
It was enchanting to meet you,
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you."
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

This is me praying that
This was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name
Until I see you again
These are the words I held back
As I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

          Caviar©
         Dated 4years ago

Try oblivion

And you know I could never have my heart break for you
By I see the pieces
on the ground you step on

But i know my love for you
could never allow it

I could drown in a thousand bottles of whisky
I could choke from a dozen packets of cigarettes
I could go raving mad with paranoia after one too many lines of coke
Could I bleed to death, so not to feel it
But u.....
U can never break my heart

Your the nightmare to my dreams
Am very loyal
I drug myself to sleep
Get drunk on your sophistication
Because in my bewilderment
Only then will you heal my brokenness
After all,its the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume
So I drag a knife over my skin
I struggle with the absurdity
No....it's impossible
You could never break my heart

You know it,you've heard it
Am your Paris wife
Al torch down the balcony
If only not to let you entertain your psycho fans
I will count the hair on your head
To hold you down for just tonight
You love to get high?
Lemmi recap the burning bush for you
Going over and over about how i don't have your heart
So still....you won't break my heart

Life is too ironic for me
Am oblivious to public descency
But all that would change if I never knew you

See i dont believe in doctrines,morals and written laws
I believe in you
I can't remember a life not knowing you
Am used to you not loving me
I can't imagine a life where you did

So now you know...
You could never break my heart

Today I don't mean to be poetic
I thought I'd write you one of those broken letters
Maybe then if you will not reply to this one
Maybe you wouldn't try so hard to break my heart

Freestyle chronicles #2; The condition

Freedom,

we could do that more often
I could wipe your tears
cause you soften'
But I ain't your dear
so I won't premiere
In your search for Maria

You hear?

Your opposition
placed me in no first position
Am not wale,no you couldn't love my ambition
My diss lines
put you in that condition
Sorry,do I need a petition?
Hush baby its just perception

Free me

Don turn me into mini
Mi-ni mo' how many times
do you want me to go
For how long will you keep me low

You know

I feel like a runaway
Kelly Clarkson breakaway
Too bad am not afraid
to love you like a hurricane
I be part of your parade
Never a renegade

Even when you degrade

And I fall below your threshold
There's too much of my love
Even you cant hold
A tornado
Why are you so cold?

I follow

Your high dominance in derail
Run you like a treadmill
Sing you like meek mill
Baby your my bar meal
You hurt me when you don' mean

To

Be my baby blanket
Beads for my anklet
Chords for my cassette
Closet for a faggot
Now before I forget

Your name is my reflex

You put me in a hex
I'd be dumb to ever call you ex

Baby you my ecs...tasy
Make me run my lines like ecstatic
Two more pills and this will be tragic

Like bandits in traffic
Daam thats horrific
But that's what you made me
Made this piece feel
Terrific

Freestyle chronicles #1;obsession

Passion, obsession
Always in my conversation
Like my one time, all life possession
Unrequited cohesion
My minds fornication
One thing to live for
Die for
You be in my next incarnation

Why do i allow you to suffocate me
When I know you could never date me
Oh I know u don hate me
You just love it when you tame me
Give me bait   oh yes that's me

I have 8 photos of you
that drive me totally nuts
Coz you, have touched my heart
You give me better scars
Like safari network am on full bars
Obsession kept me asking
if she does
Or does not love me

But all that is way above me
If only you would abide in me
But you keep patronizing me
Coz I start sinking
when you stop nursing me

Am thinking,

Am thinking about
Baby why your always in doubt
Why you let this candle burn out
Why you say
you were born to stand out

Like...

I heard you were a red laced corset
Yea you have a voice like Morset
They said we used to force it
What do they know
Now we are more set

Baby am your puppet
Keep pulling them strings
'Dance dance
Do it  like lil simz'
Like the last season of fringe

I mean

Stick by me
Let's do this like a tsunami
See am stolid in my interior
Am nothing like Miami
Be always near me
Al wear you like a new Jersey
Climb 'pon you
Kama mti Wa nazi

Kazi

Weight in whispers

RLet's try something new
Exchange a few whispers
Coz our hearts
are already loud enough
If only to read your lips say love
Or a sigh that says forever

Let's try loving in pieces
It's the only way we know how
The only way to put across a non-incriminating vow
At least it will only be words not images
When you blush all the way home

Let's capture  this
like in Pablo Picasso's art
Tell the world a story
By the way our locked eyes are painted
By the way my beaded anklet
Falls on 'loves me'
But the world already knows
About you and I
So we could try something new
Can we have matching tattoos?

The first time I ever saw you
Is the same night you saw my silhouette
It's like a memory i've had all my life
And our minds did merge then
And I was enchanted to meet you
So yes, maybe we had met before
Perhaps in another life

Remember
The phrases causing doubt?
Walls blocking us out?

The other day
I watched you till 2AM
Going back and forth about the first place I ever saw you
Whispering to the quiet room,
how much I've needed
to feel this again

The weight in my whispers
I won't let you slip away
Always be at your door
Loving you
more than my very breathe
Writing our story for the next lives
And waiting on you
Like I did in the life before

Because ;
it was enchanting to meet you
This night is sparkling
Don't you let it go
          

JELENA

I have held it all inward
Lord knows av tried
It's an awful awakening
in a country boys life
To  look in the mirror
in total surprise
At the hair on your shoulders
and the age in your eyes

Amanda... Light of my life
Fate should made you
a gentleman's wife

Well a measure of people
  dont understand
The pleasures of life
In a hillbilly's band
I got my first guitar
when I was fourteen
Now am crowding  thirty
And still wearin' jeans

Amanda... Light of my life
Fate should have made you
My wife...

         Don Williams..Amanda

Your Second Violin

I could kill myself for you
No,
Not like take a gun and fry my brains
Not like overdose some sleeping pills
Or swallow some poison

I would die if you do
I would die if something ever happened to you
I will die if you cant love me back
I would die everyday
Over and over......till its all over

The thought of not seeing your poison smile
Distracting voice
Hazel eyes
Already takes a second from my lifeline

Every time you tell me your in trouble which you always are,
I feel an ulcer creep back in
Every time I cant reach you
My heart,, no
My mind physically hurts

And your unrequited soul
Shoves me to nicotine
And I can accurately feel my lungs burn
All the undelivered letters drive me crazy
drive me to the bar, and i keep writing
A bottle per every sentence meant for you

I could watch you all night and its  not insomnia
Just to see you close your eyes
Just to see the 18 gauge canulla needle dig into your septum
Just to hear you breathe the frequency to my name
Just to see you wake up in time for our eyes to lock once more

If you ever end up in Alcatraz like Alex
I will torch down the times tower just to end up in death row with you
If you gave me a promise ring
It would take for my finger to be extracted cell by cell for it to ever come out

I know you know this too,
That you can say my name
in a way i would want to be deaf that I would forever have you voice embedded in my auricle
That you can look into my eyes
And i would be blind enough
just to keep the image of you
That you can touch me in a way
I would wanna reap off my skin
With my nails that not another soul would ever touch it

Yes, i would kill myself for you
This is how I would die for you
This is how much I drain myself for you
I find this sad
I think am mad
I think I've let down my guard
And for every word I've written
Wish I wrote it in blood -ink
And the worst part is
Am still your second violin
         

Small talk

Am quietly taking out my laundry because just recently my master asked if I used Dior
That would have instantly made me a thief right?

My bank manager asked me to authenticate my signature because my credit card was swiped in the wrong places
That couldn't have been you at the strip club right?

My momma just spanked my nephew for having a cigarette butt  in his hands
I told you to stop taking things from strangers, didn't I?

Old MacDonald just sold his animal farm
Reason why kids now sing about the coco farm?

Small talk,

Small talk when counting
sugar spoons for my coffee
Small talk when choosing ingredients for my muffin
Small, when choosing the right wood for my coffin

See this whole thing is like a glove
My hands are clean, but the outside
Leaks out dirt and red rust
Better yet,you won't see
my prints on the dust

And yes,
I stole your perfume to cover the ratchet maid odour
I went to the club down town,
apple bees I guess is the name
I mean,eyes are meant to see,aren't they?
Your nephew doesn't take things from strangers
He picked something from from my room,kids can be curious

This is what you live in Augustine,
A place dressed with compassion and hazel eyes
Defy it however you can,and that is not a choice
Keep believing in it,
You live in small talk

UNREQUITED

Going through your pieces
My heart breaks into a bazillion of those.
They called me a coward

Am i ?
Stubborn as always

They called me many things
Welsh hankering
Dutch love
Wait,where's my English teacher?
Guess I was so busy
Busy loving you
Chasing you

Cause such terms were coined
When I was hiding in a booth
That leaked of anonymity
Decorated with oblivion

And I still hear the hisses
Sound like those of eve
Telling me to breathe
Telling me to step out,
When stepping out means
Being constantly drenched
By your unrequited soul

Limerent or not,
You still think its blind
Still so hard to find
Why are you so hard to find?
Why are you so  f*n unkind?

I am homesick
Heartsick
Still lighting lanterns in the lake
Trynna spot a trail
You have a trail
Wake and bake
Eat cake
Croon along to the lines of drake

Bet that's where you got my name
No,
Not like Edna St Vincent millay
Whose central features
Are a part
of your mental environment
More of an 801 live debut
Stella Maris missa nobis
It was just one name

Impression alone is enough
to rake through all this art
Still i can't extirpate your uniqueness
Cause to surrender now
Is to lose you
And i can't lose you

Like allegiance
I don't grow weary
I'll keep going through your pieces till I trace requital

BUT YOU LEFT WITH EVERYTHING

She took a deep breath ;
let out a deep puff;
reminiscing on the gap
that suck the life out of her
like a pacifier
Still, she felt like she was breathing in someone else's smoke
She held the lit end of the cigarette
Because she wanted to burn
Pressing hard against the butt,
tilll it went off

And there it was,
Another scar on her first finger
A scar as that which
Premiered in all her poetry
She longed for the day
she would disenthrall herself
from all this loving,
Loving a girl ,
who had become a man.
A man who wouldn't take her back
Oh, the things she wanted to have

If only their minds would merge
If only she would simmer
this enchantment
If only she weren't addicted to sadness and nicotine,
pretending it was good for her
If only she wouldn't try to hide
the mess that she was

She lit yet another,
As she scribbled down a return letter
  "Wait with me,love again with me
  I'll to it better next time"
           She thought.

NEGOTIATING MORALS

Pull me.........  then push me away
It's like you want me to figure out
which way the door needs to be open
Then I let my heart beat,
rhythmically to your dance
An soon the resonance
will tear us apart...together

I let your body haunt mine
Then you accuse me,
of tending to the past
Its like you want me to need you  less, the you'll want more, because
Year after year I stumble upon the Kudu lily,
that Cassandra made the crowning thorns of your diadem

Even after all these years
You still stuff my letters in the attic
I see how you change
the pronouns in your pieces
Making bad edits

So now grab a seat and relax
Lemmi teach you
To fearlessly explore the strange
Like the earthquake
Of February the 13th
Lemmi teach you to love
a girl like me

Strong tongue
Steady fingers that
Delicately
Intricately
Licence my body to kiss your soul
As your robe drops to your bare thighs

Let me hold you by your neck
Choke you,then mince my words
That they'd slowly slide down,
down your throat
to the core of your stubborn heart

Let's put this on the porch
And entertain those who
Politicise the significance of sex
Let us re- negotiate our morals
Pull me.....then push me away

CAVIAR

I light my cigarette,wondering if its too soon to see you
If am becoming too often an appearance
I feel overwhelmingly guilty,but it feels good in some queer kind of way
Like its what i need to wash away the tears of November
Like its what i need to realise how daring this kind of love is,
To realise that a bond as such is not of labels and identities
More of memories and prefferences
One that gives no heed to decorum and public decency
One that constantly got me dragged to madam T's office

I dunno if its the kiss that brought a whooping sense of emotion
Or the constant glare that made everything around us invisible
Or the smile......
Damn, the smile that made me realise how much an honour it was, to have my heart broken by such uniqueness
But it was something,
Something that hormones cannot explain...
Maybe the  syllables 'nes' that shitty scientists sell; nothing more

I leave my cigarette still smouldering in the ashtray
Maybe its not too soon to see you maybe am not too often an appearance
Maybe we forgot how this kind of love used to be
The hyperventilation
The constant chase
That was what it was...still is
The kind of love that lasts forever and a day
And yes,caviar...
I read your crambled letter
How you asked me to write you back?
             'Dear African Shakespear

Yes,i come unteatherd
Fear descalated
Do not veil my fires
Of generous emotion
With your constant austere difficulty
kiss me softly upon my neck
Trace your fingers
along my collarbone
I love you
And i didnt say that in some distorted language
Where the meaning would be lost
To the moon and back; Caviar