This kind of love

Utterly  happy today
Maybe it's the African sunrise
on my window
Or the music my pine tree ignites
as the tiny leaves clatter
Or the message the sky brings today

My heart is warmer today
Could it be the coffee and sandwich on my lampstand?
Or that  I was neatly  tucked in last night
Or the sound of 'love ' first in the morning

Why can't I find  bitter poetry today
Why can't I express my yearning
Is there no bar meal today?
Could it mean a day will pass without having to drag a knife over my skin?

Did my nothingness give in?
Is this how  the other lives turned out?

No

Today am utterly  happy
Its a dread head throwing  pebbles at my window
With a magical flute
Perhaps trynna kill my amnesia
Of what love is
With a smile straight outta heaven
Depicting how love should be

Warm;it says
Love should be warm
Like what  I gave you ;unconditional
Love is happy

I look back,I don't smile much
Love should be strong; I say
Like what I've  always been
Love is allegiance

I wake up to a vanishing  dream
Back to the cold loving  am used
I know it gets better with time
Unconditional;
For a different  condition this time
It doesn't get weary
Its allegiance,it's my kind of love